Do Bad Things Happen in Threes?
Most of us have heard phrases like:
“Bad things happen in threes.”
“When it rains, it pours.”
“Here we go again…”
These sayings are common, and they often come from moments when life really does feel overwhelming and heavy. But the way we interpret difficult events can quietly shape how much distress we feel — and how well we’re able to cope.
Hard things are hard. Perspective doesn’t erase pain. But it can either add to the suffering or help contain it.
When Our Brains Start Looking for the Next Bad Thing
Let’s take the idea that “bad things happen in threes.”
If you believe this, what happens after the first or second stressful event?
Your brain may start scanning for what’s next:
waiting for the other shoe to drop
feeling hyper-alert
interpreting neutral events as possible threats
This isn’t because you’re pessimistic — it’s because your brain is wired for pattern-seeking and protection. When we expect danger, our nervous system shifts into a more vigilant state. That can mean:
more anxiety
less ability to rest or enjoy good moments
a sense of impending doom, even when nothing new is actually happening
In other words, the belief itself can extend the stress response beyond the original problem.
The Difference Between Pain and Added Suffering
Psychology often distinguishes between:
Pain: the actual difficult event (a loss, conflict, diagnosis, disappointment)
Suffering: the extra layer created by fear, prediction, and self-talk about what it “means”
Perspective doesn’t change the painful event — but it strongly influences the second layer.
For example:
“This is awful, and I can get through it.”
vs.“This is awful, and it proves that things always go wrong for me.”
Both acknowledge that something bad happened. Only one adds a story of permanence and helplessness.
How Perspective Can Support Coping
A more supportive perspective doesn’t mean forced positivity or minimizing pain. It means allowing space for difficulty without turning it into a forecast about the future or about yourself.
Helpful reframes might sound like:
“This is a hard season, not my whole life.”
“I don’t know what’s coming next — and I don’t need to decide that today.”
“Something went wrong, and I still have resources and support.”
These kinds of thoughts reduce unnecessary fear and help the nervous system stay more regulated, which makes it easier to:
problem-solve
ask for help
rest when needed
notice when good moments still exist alongside the hard ones
Why Our Brains Prefer Predictable Stories (Even Negative Ones)
Interestingly, the brain often prefers a predictable negative story over uncertainty.
Thinking “everything goes wrong for me” can feel oddly safer than sitting with “I don’t know what happens next.”
But predictable doesn’t mean accurate — and it doesn’t mean helpful.
Therapy often involves gently noticing when our minds turn isolated events into global conclusions, and learning how to interrupt that process with more balanced, reality-based thinking.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Perspective shifts are rarely dramatic. They are small, repeatable choices, like:
Not assuming the worst after one setback
Letting yourself enjoy good news without waiting for the counter-punch
Naming stress without turning it into a personal failure
Allowing one hard day to just be one hard day
These shifts don’t make life perfect.
They make it more livable while life is happening.
Final Thought
Bad things do happen. No mindset can prevent that.
But the story we tell ourselves about those events — whether they are isolated challenges or proof that everything is falling apart — plays a powerful role in how much emotional weight we carry and how capable we feel of moving forward.
Perspective doesn’t deny reality- it shapes how much room reality is allowed to take up in our minds and bodies.
And that difference matters!